I completed week two of the radiation yesterday, and day 7 of the chemotherapy. For those of you whom I may have just added to the list, I am taking six consecutive 5-day weeks of radiation and six consecutive 7-day weeks of chemo-therapy, by tablet. The chemo got delayed three days by human snafus, but it is not a big deal.
My week was up and down, to say the least. Let me give you the two low points, and show how God pulled me out of the doldrums, to his glory.
On Monday I was contemplating what my pastor said about loving Christ before I loved the work I was doing for him, and it occurred to me that I really did love the work more than I loved Christ. Or maybe I should say, what I derived from the work--praise, etc. And before long, Satan was accusing me of not being on the team at all--that is to say, of simply not belonging to Christ. I called a guy in my Tuesday night men's accountability group and told him what was going on. He spoke sanity into my perturbed soul, prayed for me, and called some other guys to pray for me. Afterwards, it occurred to me that folks on Satan's team really don't get that kind of support. "Devil take the hindermost" is the phrase that comes to mind. It was really pretty laughable when I got the big picture.
On Thursday, I had similar feelings. Carol Hall, a missionary to Germany, was visiting me in the morning and I asked her to pray for me. She did, quite passionately, I might add. After she left, I sat down, again, with the Word of God and reminded myself of all that I am in Christ. That righted the ship temporarily, till the afternoon, when the feelings came back. I struggled with them during the evening, and while calling some folks on another matter, I came across a woman who herself struggles with depression. She asked me how I was doing, and I gave her an honest answer. She proceeded to build me up with what she had seen in me in the past, and I did the same for her. And when the call was over, the emergency was over also, hopefully for both of us.
Moral: God's grace often comes through his people.
Aftermath: I talked with my doctor on Friday, related the two events, and we agreed there is likely some kind of temporary chemical change in my brain, for which he prescribed a medication. That is not to minimize the impact of lack of faith on my part, but faith might be a little easier to come by when the seratonin level in my brain is normalized.
Prayer Requests: Pray for sanity to reign in my heart and mind, and for peace, which comes from knowing how very much Christ loves me. It really seems to me that much of our emotional struggle results from just that--losing sight of God's great compassion and mercy. So pray I'll remember it!
--Chuck Eggerth
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