So it has. The long-awaited fatigue has arrived, and with it lots and lots of reasons to lie in bed and read. (I haven't got much energy for anything else.) Well, at least I've discovered a good book, which I will probably finish tomorrow--"Watership Down", by Richard Adams. And when I get through with that, I'm going to start in again on "Brothers Karamazov", by Dostoyevsky. I've read halfway through that one twice, three years apart, taking copious notes as I went. So I'll reread it from the start and, hopefully, finish it this time.
It is raining while I'm writing this, and my daughter is out in a driver's education car somewhere. I should be more worried than I am. Maybe that's one of the benefits of this depleted condition--not having enough strength to worry about things you can't control.
Before I tell you about my leavetaking at the waiting room on Monday, let me talk briefly about something that happened to me Sunday. I went to church carrying an emotional load. I was stressed out about our Angel Tree project, with Prison Fellowship. By the end of the worship service, I simply could not function. I was emotionally and physically drained and could not do anything besides ask good friends to pray for me. I went back to adult Bible Study for fifteen minutes, but had to leave that also. I wound up missing a jail worship service and spent the rest of the day vegetating. From then to now there has been some improvement, but it's going to take awhile to get back to where I need to be.
But about the leavetaking--goodbyes are hard to say. Fortunately, I got the e-mail addresses of the people I built relationships with. Oh, and we all got certificates of graduation. That was a nice touch.
William Miller, in particular, began opening up about his condition and prospects. He faces a difficult road. I have prayed for him and will keep doing so. Lester Platt just finished his radiation three hours ago, and I'm sure he's happy to be finished also. He got a 39 treatment plan, unlike the 30 days that William and I got, and his treatments were longer. I am going to pray for him too, as well as Edward from Yadkin County.
It's difficult to describe how the radiation makes you feel, but let's just say that it came to the point where I dreaded getting into the car every day at 12. (Not a big dread, but a dread nonetheless.) If it weren't for the friendships in the waiting room, it could have been quite depressing.
I was reading from Romans chapter 8 the other day, verses 18-27. Paul has great insight, a lot more than I've got, and he sees a universe that is waiting for the glory of the children of God to be revealed. The literal translation of the last part verse 21 is "freedom of the glory of God's children." He goes on to remark again about the travail of the creation, and then our travail, and finally the travail of the Holy Spirit, who intercedes for us with "groans that words cannot express."
It reminds me of C.S. Lewis, who writes of intimations of a home beyond this world of pain. I will sure enough be glad when that home shows up.
Ciao for now--Chuck Eggerth
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